Thing 1 and Thing 2

Thing 1

I was walking home from the grocery store (or as we refer to it “the market”) and I see a pregnant lady with a little girl about Fussbot’s age slowly walking down our block. When our paths crossed the little girl came up to Fussbot’s stroller and was very friendly. I took Fussbot out and the kids started playing and walking around together. I got to talking to the mom and she seemed pretty cool. Her parents live on our block and she’s staying with them as they are in the process of moving. She wanted to know what kid stuff was in the area and what I do with Fussbot during the days. We chatted for awhile and ended up exchanging phone numbers. I texted her tonight to see if she wants to come to the park with us tomorrow morning but I haven’t heard back, I’m curious if she’ll come. I’ve never picked up anyone on the street (though really, I felt like she picked me up) but I got a good friend vibe from her and I figured I could use a few more mom friends in my life right now.

Thing 2

When I was telling DMS of my friend pick-up I mentioned that she was pregnant. DMS stopped me and said, “when are we going to have another baby?” I was a little surprised, we’ve been talking more and more about when a new arrival might work, but he seemed so open to the idea that I just said, “whenever you’re ready.” He wanted to know if I was really prepared for two kids at home, handling both by myself, all the work that it involves. I thought for a minute and said that yes, I really was. I’ve been thinking about it on my own for awhile, and the fear and panic I felt a few months ago has somewhat abated. This is not to say that I’m totally ignoring the fact that the beginning months are going to be hellish and that Fussbot would be around 2 which I’ve heard is a lovely time in a toddler’s life. But then I think about having a new baby and Fussbot having a playmate and it feels right. I think about what I’m doing this summer with Fussbot and how I could be doing it next summer with two and it seems not only do-able but enjoyable. I haven’t gotten to that point where I’m consumed with having a child like I was right before I got pregnant last time but it would be fair to say that I think about it frequently and my heart does a little flutter each time.

One of the concerns I have about having another baby is my career, or rather the current lack there of. I feel like the time I’ve taken off now hasn’t really hurt me so far, but I wonder if I take another year or so off how that would look, how much harder it would be when I’m applying for jobs in the future. I don’t want to stay at home forever but I fear that if I don’t get a job before I have another kid, it will be exponentially harder to revive what bits of a career I’ve managed to string together so far. I also worry about the financial costs that come with another child. While a boy would obviously save us on clothes, there is still the cost of all the medical care, diapers, food and baby crap that comes with another kid. I worry that the tight budget would get even tighter and can we really do that. But then I think what if I apply to school now (I’m currently debating a Ph.D. program) and then start again in the fall and how the combination of kids and school feels like the right answer to a lot of questions.

I also feel some pressure by the weather. I know that sounds totally ridiculous but hear me out: Having a baby between October and March means that you are stuck in the house all winter because it too damn cold to take a baby out and its not advised to go for walks with them and such. Yes, it really is that cold here. I think about how much I needed to be outside and walking with Fussbot and how hard the winter was being stuck in doors with him. I know that for my health, I can not do that with a newborn and a 2 year old. I will not be in a good place if that’s my everyday reality. So I would really like a spring baby and if not this spring then I would seriously consider waiting until next spring. But that’s soooo long, can I really wait until then?

And then there’s the possibility that it takes along time to get pregnant again. I think that since we have a child already, the fear of not being able to have children is lessened (but not gone) and that I am better prepared to handle the ups and down that come with us trying to get pregnant. But the uncertainty of the makes all plans seem useless because who really knows what’ll happen.

So that was my day. I made a friend (maybe) and I thought about babies. A lot.