Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It was a long week

I called the pediatrician on Monday, December 10.  His behaviors the last few weeks had just been spiraling- everything getting more excessive and more unlike him. The drinking was non-stop, the peeing was non stop, the bed-wetting was every night (with more peeing and drinking), he was hungry in a constant, primal sort of way. He wasn't sleeping well.  He looked ragged.

DMS was out of town that last weekend and I was at my wits end with Lou.  I had nothing else to feed him- he had eaten most of everything.  Trying to get him to stop drinking before bed was a fight that ended in tears. He came into my room, wet and disoriented in the middle of the night and I put him in dry PJs and removed his sheets and let him sleep next to me as had become our new nightly routine. "I'm done," I told DMS, late Sunday night, "this just isn't right. I'm really worried." When DMS confessed that he was a little worried too I became convinced that something was really wrong.  DMS doesn't worry.

I didn't say anything to anyone until I was driving to pick up the kids from pre-school. I didn't want to say it out loud.  I knew that it was true but I didn't want to give the words the power of being spoken. I didn't want to say it aloud and have it be real. I wanted to deny until I could no longer deny what I really already knew. I texted my friend to let her know that I was taking Lou to the pediatrician for diabetes screening.  Her response: F%*#.  Yes.  Yes, indeed.

The urinalysis showed glucose in his urine.  The blood sugar level was 220. She said we had to go to Children's that night.  "I can't give you a firm diagnosis now," the ped said, "they will do more tests at Children's, but you were right to bring him in, all signs point that way." She didn't say the word.  It just hung there between us, heavy and akward.

We went home to light Chanukah candles. DMS came home and the kids were so excited to see him since they hadn't seen him since Saturday. DMS offered to take Lou to Children's and I would stay home with B. I packed an overnight bag for Lou- pajamas, a hoodie, some super-heroes, his blankie and bear and change of clothes for the next day. Lou was super excited to go to the hospital he thought it was going to be this great adventure.  DMS and I just let it play that way, why tell him what was going to happen? Why ruin his excitement before we need to?

They left and I went through the motions of giving B dinner, bathing her and putting her to sleep.  I wanted to hug her, to keep everything the same as it was but I was also so distracted- had they made it through the ER yet? What tests were they doing? Was he handling everything ok? When she was finally asleep, I texted my friend who happens to be a pediatric endocrinologist. I told her that Lou was headed to the ER and that it was most likely diabetes. She wrote back "I'm on it." and I knew she was.

I called my parents. I stress-cleaned the house. I felt nauseous.  I texted DMS a lot. Lou's blood sugar was in the 400s. No ketones. Is it JUST diabetes? I cancelled my work events indefinitely. I stress cleaned some more. Finally, near midnight they were in a room. No one was saying it was diabetes and nothing else but that was the assumption that everyone was running on.  Lou was doing ok. It was time to try and sleep.