Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It was a long week Part III

DMS went with the carpool to school the next day to teach them how to give the insulin shots. I was coming later to see Lou be Shabbat Abba but I wanted to run some basic errands (like grocery shop) so that we could attempt to get our life back to normal. My parents were coming that weekend for B's party and I wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed before the weekend.

Walking around Trader Joe's I had a mild breakdown.  I started crying in the nut/dried fruit aisle thinking about food for Lou. He was a kid who really liked to eat, who really enjoyed all food and I felt like it was never going to be this simple thing again.  Those little moments of sitting at the kitchen bar, peeling cuties and laughing together had been stolen.  Now it was how many carbs are in a cutie? How many will he eat? How much insulin does he need? I was angry. I was sad. I was really overwhelmed.  I managed to finish the grocery shopping and slip in a target run before I had to be at the school.  Lou was so excited that my parents managed to get there in time and that DMS and I were both there as well.  I had to slip out for a minute because I got all teary but it was mostly tears of happiness, that on Monday he could be in the hospital and Friday he could be Shabbat Abba at school.

We had dinner with my parents and then they kindly excused themselves so we could go to sleep early.  DMS and I were looking a little worse for wear by the end of the week and we were so excited to an early nights rest.  Around 10pm DMS went into Lou's room to check his blood sugar and realized that B had vomited in her crib.  It was a long night with a barfy 2 year old in our bed.

I stayed home on Saturday with a sickly B while DMS and Lou went to synagogue.  Lou said Birkat HaGomel, the blessing for surviving a life-threatening situation, and DMS said it was a very emotional moment. There have been many times over the last week where I have been thankful that it is "just" diabetes.  Being at Children's you quickly realize exactly how much worse it could have been.  We feel much gratitude for this.

The rest of the weekend was great, we had B's 2nd birthday party and all had a wonderful time. Lou went to the Children's museum for a bit in the afternoon and DMS's brother and fiancee surprised us with an afternoon visit.  Sunday night, everyone had left, the house was mostly back in order (save for the Chanukah decorations, pile of presents and diabetes "stuff" that was everywhere) and DMS and I just wanted to relax.  Lou started vomiting that night. It was a long night with a barfy 4.5 year old in our bed.

Monday he was still vomiting.  His blood sugars were low. He looked awful. My baseline worry amped up to a thousand. B had a fever and a hacking cough.  I worried it was bronchitis. It was not a good day.  But somewhere in the middle of that, Lou was ready to take me up on my offer of a trip to the Lego store.  I had told him one of the first few days that we were home, that when he can get his insulin without fighting us or crying, he could go to the Lego store and pick out whatever he wanted.  This was a really big deal- Lou wants nothing more in life then free access to the Lego store. So Monday morning as he was flaling around before his insulin, I reminded him of my offer and he sat still and did not cry.  For lunch, he sat still and did not cry. "Let's go!" he said as he hopped off his chair after lunch.  I was really wary because he had vomited after breakfast and the last thing I needed was something happening on the bus or while we were out. But I wanted him to have the positive reinforcemtn right then so we went, by bus to the lego store downtown.

He walked around the whole store, looking at every display touching every biiiiiiiiig box of Lego there were.  Finally after much discussion he settled on an flatbed and front loader drill set. He was really happy. He vomited when we got home.

I kept both kids home on Tuesday and we visited the pediatrician for B's 2 year check up.  She grew nicely and had clear ears and lungs so her coughing and fever is just a cold.  Thank God.  I couldn't deal with more. I debated if I should say something at the pediatrician's office but I held my tongue because we didn't see our usual doctor. I was a little surprised that while we were at Children's the office never called or came it to see Lou.  I just think when a patient of yours is in the hospital (and you know he's in the hospital) it is just good practice to check in on them and their family. I like our pediatrician, the office is efficient and we can always get in when we need to so I was very disappointed that they never called or came in to check on him.

Today is Wednesday, December 19th.  10 days after Lou was diagnosed with diabetes. Today is the first day that everyone is back at work and school.  I had a lot of anxiety coming into work this morning.  Worried about Lou in  school, worried about them giving him his shots, worried about B's cough, worried about life.  I also had to face work which I had been ignoring for the last week, and had to face an inbox full of well wishing emails that I had been ignoring. But here we are, living our new normal and it doesn't feel that strange anymore. Its been a long week and I hope the next few days are easier but we survived, we are all here. We are all moving on.